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Shock move as universities finally come out against fees

Thursday 11-02-2016 - 09:41

In a shock move last week, Universities UK – a representative body for universities – came out against a rise in fees. However, much to students’ dismay, all wasn’t as it first seemed....

Ms Fee-Ed Youcation, President of Poppleton University Students’ Union said: “At first, I was over the moon – universities were finally looking out for students – what with the cuts to maintenance grants, nurses’ bursaries and to the Disabled Students’ Allowance. Sadly, it seems this isn’t the case – they are only concerned about themselves.”

It turns out that it’s actually an opposition to increased fees for themselves that universities oppose. Today they announced a commission to look into how difficult it is for universities to balance the books. A challenge Tom, a student, understands only too well – “I was at the back of the launch event waiting tables to cover my rent. I work seven jobs to cover the costs of being a student, so I know how hard it is to make ends meet. Sadly, I couldn’t stay to hear all the evidence as I had to dash to my unpaid internship, which I’ve been working in for 15 years…”

Vice Chancellor of Fibchester University, Prof. Phat Khat, said: "It's really difficult for us Vice-Chancellors, how are we supposed to pay for our 14 per cent, inflation busting, pay rises if we have to subscribe to all these things?”

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